When, exactly, did Real Madrid become known as the Régime Team? Nobody knows for sure. It wasn't long after General Franco finally seized control of all Spain in 1939 that the despot slipped into a minor funk when Sevilla beat his hometown side Racing Ferrol in that year's cup final. It's also on record that he'd helped out Athletic de Madrid immediately after the civil war, merging them with the airforce team, renaming them Athletic Aviación (and later the more Spanish-friendly Atlético Aviación), then forcing the best young players into military service so they could turn out for this new fighting-fit site.
Still, he wasn't obsessed with one side in particular, more with simply keeping down anyone with an independent thought in their head. Like the Catalans, for example. And when Barcelona found themselves 3-0 up after their home leg of their 1943 Spanish Cup semi-final, despite being kicked all around their Las Corts stadium by opponents Real Madrid, something had to be done.
Franco's régime got to work. First they ensured the atmosphere in the return leg at Real's Chamartin stadium would be super-oppressive. The crowd at Las Corts had, oh so outrageously, supported their own team, ran an ostensibly serious argument published ahead of the match in Madrid-based newspaper Ya. These Las Corts hoodlums had "whistled at the Madrid players with the clear intention of attacking the representatives of Spain". My. In turn, Madrid's crowd were encouraged to reciprocate – and to this end were given free whistles upon entrance to the ground, a tasty atmosphere guaranteed.
Then on the day of the match, to make sure Barça's players got the centralist message, Spain's director of state security visited their dressing room just before kick-off. Packing a loaded gun – though some Madridistas question the packed piece – he quietly reminded the visitors that "you are only playing because of the generosity of the regime that has forgiven you for your lack of patriotism". A singular inspirational team talk having been delivered, the following kickabout was only ever going to end one way. Real scored early, then made it two on the half-hour, whereupon Barça, fearing lethal consequences, properly capitulated; it was 8-0 to Madrid by half-time. The second half was a relative non-event, the game ending 11-1.
Still, much good it did Real. They lost the final 1-0 to the Basques of Atletico Bilbao, much to Franco's displeasure, while nobody except the most myopic Madridista takes their record win over Barcelona seriously these days. The most embarrassing scoreline in the history of El Clásico? Perhaps, but only for Real. Though that's only if we're not counting that risible 6-2 defeat at the Bernabéu last year.
2) Real Madrid 5-0 Barcelona (La Liga, 1953-54)
In March 1952, Real were 19 years into a championship drought when Millonarios of Bogota took part in a friendly tournament at Chamartin to celebrate the Spanish club's 50th anniversary. In the Colombian club's first match, against Sweden's Norkoeping, little-known Argentinian midfielder Alfredo di Stefano scored twice. In their second, playing the birthday boys, Di Stefano bagged another two. With both Real and Barcelona scouts sitting in the stand nodding like hipsters appreciating the far-out syncopations of modal jazz, the chase was suddenly on to sign this freeform genius.
Problem was, who should they attempt to buy Di Stefano from? He had walked out on Argentinian side River Plate to join Millonarios in 1949, but the cowboy Colombian league was unrecognised by Fifa at the time, leaving a terrible tangle of red tape. Barcelona made their move in 1953, agreeing in principle a deal with River Plate, who were happy to sell providing Millonarios agreed. Which they didn't. Not that it stopped Di Stefano, who left for Barcelona anyway, playing for the Catalans in a couple of friendlies.
Then Real got involved, paying Millonarios 1.5m pesetas for the player. Barça responded by giving River Plate 4m pesetas. Which is when things became überfarcical. The Spanish federation passed a law banning the purchase of foreign stars. It looked like Di Stefano would end up at Juventus. At which point the regime changed their mind, lifting the ban on foreigners, and suggesting Real and Barça share Di Stefano, season by season. Utterly fed up with the machinations of Madrid-based government, and shafted through several axis and beyond all reason, Barça pulled out in exasperation, Real giving them the 4m pesetas they had put on the River Plate.
Two weeks after signing for Real, Di Stefano made his El Clásico bow, scoring four goals in a 5-0 win. An instant legend, his 29 goals in that 1953-54 season helped Real to their first title in 21 years. The following season saw Real record another 5-0 home win against Barcelona, and bag another title, one that allowed them entry into the inaugural European Cup. And everyone knows what happened then. Especially in Catalonia.
3) Real Madrid 3-1 Barcelona, Barcelona 1-3 Real Madrid (European Cup, 1959-60)
Barcelona hadn't won a La Liga title for five years when Helenio Herrera left Os Belenenses for Las Corts in 1958. In the interim, their great rivals Real Madrid had racked up three titles and two European Cups – and were about to add another league and European double to that tally. Under Herrera, things slowly began to change.
Herrera didn't make any major changes, but then he didn't need to; he had Sandor Kocsis, Zoltan Czibor, Luis Suarez and Laszlo Kubala at his disposal. Toying with an early version of overlapping full-backs, he almost immediately led Barça to a 6-0 win over a London XI in the 1958 Fairs Cup final, then in his first full season won a league and cup double, beating Real Madrid 3-0 en route. A second league title quickly followed.
But Barça were about to shoot themselves in the foot. Herrera started leaving a booze-soaked Kubala out of the team, causing friction with his biggest-name player and the majority of the Barça board. President Francesc Miro-Sans initially backed his manager, but when Herrera sided with his players in a dispute over bonus payments ahead of their 1959-60 European Cup semi-final against Real, he rubbed Miro-Sans up the wrong way. The subsequent 6-2 aggregate defeat against the perennial champions of Europe – a hammer blow to a Barça side fed up of seeing their closest rivals dominate the continental scene – saw Herrera initially suspended, then quickly sent skittering down La Rambla on the more padded sections of his fundament.
It was an act of supreme folly. Herrera went to Internazionale, wasting little time in building La Grande Inter and winning three Serie A titles and two European Cups. Barça's trophy haul in Herrara's wake wasn't so impressive. Oh no.
4) Real Madrid 2-2 Barcelona, Barcelona 2-1 Real Madrid (European Cup, 1960-61)
Actually, Barça's sacking of Herrera didn't initially appear the act of folly it proved to be. Immediately after the Argentinian departed, Barça retained their Fairs Cup. Then, four months into the following campaign, their greatest dream came sweetly true.
Fourteen days after Barça's aforementioned 1958-60 Fairs Cup win, Real Madrid had delivered their signature performance, thrashing Eintract Frankfurt 7-3 in the 1960 European Cup final. They had retained their trophy. And it was their trophy: they had won every single European Cup and had never failed to win a European fixture at the Bernabéu. But some things are just written. And sure enough, Spanish champions Barcelona were drawn against European champions Real in the second round of the 1960-61 European Cup. It would prove a controversial battle.
Both legs were refereed by Englishmen and on both occasions the officials angered Real. In the first leg at the Bernabeu, Real were 2-1 up with three minutes to play when referee Arthur Ellis ignored a linesman flagging Sandor Kocsis offside, waved play on, then blew for a penalty when the Hungarian was fouled. Barcelona equalised and for the first time in the tournament's history, a team left Real's stadium unbeaten.
In the second leg, referee Reg Leafe disallowed four goals, three of them by Real. "Leafe was Barcelona's best player," said Real president Santiago Bernabéu after the match, a fact borne out by footage which offers little supporting evidence in the way of foul play ahead of any of them. But it made no difference. Real were out, with Di Stefano suggesting Uefa were fed up with Real's domination of "their cup".
And so to that Herrera folly. Barcelona reached the European Cup final, but would be beaten by Benfica. They had to wait another 31 years to win their first European Cup. In the shorter term, Real had the last laugh, beating Barcelona 5-3 in the Camp Nou two weeks later, then winning La Liga, 20 points clear of fourth-placed Barça. The Catalans then watched in horror as Real made it five La Liga titles in a row, a run which culminated – in the succession of Herrera's two-times European champs Inter – as kings of the continent in 1966. Ye ye.
Barça did not win La Liga for another 13 years.
5) Real Madrid 0-5 Barcelona (La Liga, 1973-74)
But when they did, it was payback time for the Di Stefano affair. Sort of. Barça had lined up Ajax superstar Johan Cruyff in August 1973, but dithered over paying what looked like ending up as a world-record fee. Real, possibly simply to annoy, dangled a crazy £1m cheque in front of Ajax and the Dutchman, but their cheeky bid for the era's greatest player was scuppered when Barça bit the bullet and quickly rushed through the deal for a boundary-breaking £922,000.
Cruyff's first visit to the Bernabéu as a Barcelona player would become arguably the greatest night in Barcelona's history. Cruyff bossed the game, setting up three goals, scoring another with a languid, mazy run, and making Real's spanking-new star signing Gunther Netzer look very ordinary indeed. Barça won 5-0, and went on to enjoy their first title-winning season since 1960.
To level-headed neutrals, Cruyff's legendary 'Impossible Goal' against reigning champions Atlético Madrid, which saw him backheel a right-wing cross into the top-left corner at head height, had been that season's top moment. But for Barça fans, the parallels with Di Stefano were impossible to ignore: a five-goal win over the enemy, and the end of an overlong title drought. So this game was the highlight, the best evening ever. (And also the highlight of Cruyff's anti-climatic Catalan playing career, as his Barça made no mark in Europe, failing to win any more league titles. But that's another story.)
6) Barcelona 5-0 Real Madrid (La Liga, 1993-94) and Real Madrid 5-0 Barcelona (La Liga, 1994-95)
Cruyff would make more of a mark on Barça as manager, leading the club to their first European Cup in 1992 and four consecutive La Liga titles between 1990-91 and 1993-94. Danish winger Michael Laudrup was the heartbeat of that side – the Dream Team – but found himself marginalised after Cruyff bought Romario in the summer of 1993. Even so – and despite falling out with Cruyff over his treatment – Laudrup starred in Barcelona's early-season 5-0 humping of Real Madrid. But it was his last big game with the club: after being forced to watch both the second El Clásico of the campaign and Barça's capitulation in the European Cup final to AC Milan from the stand, Laudrup demanded a transfer.
He went, sure enough, to Real Madrid. Whereupon the script wrote itself. Laudrup's first appearance in an El Clásico since helping Barça to a 5-0 win ended in – you already know this – a 5-0 victory for his new team Real. And having won four titles in a row with the Dream Team, he became Barça's living nightmare, removing their La Liga crown and delivering it to Real, his personal fifth title in a row.
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